In It To Win It, I Guess

September 30, 2011 § Leave a comment

My first 1st without the safety net of my other paycheck is rapidly approaching, and I am starting to freak out a little. I had to unexpectedly pay for two months’ worth of school recently, as well as regular-maintenance-but-still-gouging stuff for my car. Oh, and I selfishly decided to get my two inches of roots re-highlighted today rather than wait it out because let’s be honest, if my hair looks bad I feel ugly and fat. Yes, bad hair makes me feel fat; don’t worry about it. Also my hairdresser has a three week waiting period but she’s super cool and I desperately want her to be my friend, so, brand loyalty.

So yeah, I’m bleeding money this month, but here’s the worst part. Remember that list I made in the beginning, about all the the things I don’t want to repeat? Yeah. I’m breaking a big one. I’m currently working for free in one case, and paycheck-don’t-even-cover-gas in another.

I know, please don’t hit me.

Mr. B has made well-known his displeasure with my decision to jump with both feet into doing all* the things I swore I’d never do again for the last time this time for sure I promise. But what do you do, when you’re working with people you care deeply about who you know aren’t holding out on you, that they would give it if they had it? What do you do when you finally, finally, FINALLY read a script that moves you in ways you haven’t felt since college, but the production meetings are an hour from your house? How much does “learning” or “networking” or hell, “experiencing” and “making the art you want to” supplant income? If you have the answer, I would love to hear it.

Being deficit in money is a major issue. But being deficit in time is a slow soul-suck that I’m not ready to jump back into just yet. I’m looking at you, dear friend from my tech writing days who keeps dangling a really well paying full time tech writing job in my face. That’s not something to complain about in the current economic climate, I know. But I had a job I resented for two years, and it made me feel more spoiled and ungrateful to have one I couldn’t care less about when others who wanted it so much more didn’t have one. So I mean, no lectures please, anonymous.

My current plan of action is to actually send my overhire resume out to every costume shop I know of, and to actually get my website and Etsy shop off the ground. I say “actually” because, let’s be real for a minute, I’m generally heavy on the plan and light on the action. I shall make no other plans until those three are carried out, lest this ideas woman get carried away with herself again, as always, forever and ever, amen.

*Not all… I eat very little cous cous these days. One too many forkfuls found their way up my sinus cavity and I actually learned a lesson**.
**I know. It’s hard for me to believe, too.

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