Down day

June 13, 2014 § Leave a comment

People die so suddenly and easily, sometimes I don’t understand how anyone makes it into old age. And then I talk to people who have never lost anyone, and I feel like I can’t even relate to them on this really basic human level. And then I think of loved ones who’ve lost parents, and close friends, and spouses, and I feel incredibly lucky and afraid. Like what’s so special about me that I haven’t suffered that level of loss yet?

Loss is inevitable, but its suddenness and randomness and unevenness is what always takes me offguard. A little girl who before her 5th birthday experienced more trouble in her life than I hope to should not lose her father only a couple years later. Newlyweds should not be split by a car accident. One I knew, one I knew the best friend, but both have been haunting me this week, after my year of funerals.

I’ve experienced enough in my life to know it only gets worse; people only get more dauntless and more frail. No one worries after themselves the way the people who love them worry after them, and with each phone call I feel even more lost.

I’m tired of funerals; I’m ready for births.

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