August 9, 2014 § 3 Comments
I had coffee today because I was in a bad mood and I’m an addict; only half a cup but I’m awake enough now at 2am to finally update here again. My Summer of Too Many Yeses is winding down, and I think I did well. Not as well as I could have had I not stretched myself so thin, but that’s neither here nor there. I don’t seem to have made it on to anyone’s black list, so that’s a plus, and overall I was pretty happy with my work. We flew to New Hampshire for a wedding weekend the morning after opening, about 4 hours after I left the opening night party in fact (but see? Socializing with coworkers! I’m doing it!), effectively kicking off a four-day migraine. And then on Tuesday, when I was 99% sure I was dying of some horrible rotting brain syndrome, I was convinced to drink a cup of coffee and immediately found out that I was fine and could cancel all my doctor’s appointments that a half hour ago I doubted I would live to see.
And now I’m in catch-up mode, getting returns done, turning in receipts, tracking down payments. It’s the part I should love the most, the getting paid part, but it involves so much paperwork, excel spreadsheets, and no creativity whatsoever that I basically hate it.
And I have fall projects I’m gearing up for, because I can’t sit still. But tonight was a great reminder for what I can fill my life with if I don’t work all the time. Because that’s a real worry for me: what the hell do I do if I’m not constantly running from one obligation to another? Sometimes I feel like I don’t trust myself enough to have an interesting life without scheduling out every minute with work. And I have reason to worry, because in the darkest days of my chosen unemployment, I did Absolutely Nothing. Not even one thing. I didn’t stretch myself, I didn’t strive for any goals, I barely cleaned up after myself. And it was super lame, and I don’t want to be that lame again.
But then tonight: my client cancelled with me due to unfortunate unforeseen circumstances, and I reached out to a few friends. I ended up going to my first drop-in drawing class in years, in which I drew this bitchface queen:
And then we got crepes and watched Boyhood at the Charles Theater and it blew my mind. I can’t stop thinking about this film. But it’s not the kind of thing I can review; just call me up and we can discuss it over a beer. I’m already ready to tackle its not-quite 3 hours again.
It was a perfect night; so perfect I didn’t think about jobs or money or any of the nagging worries that have been plaguing me for months. And I made art, and I enjoyed art, and I spent some great one-on-one time with one of my favorites, and with a friend group like ours it can be hard to get alone time.
And I posted that picture to the internet, which terrifies and thrills me. I still feel a bit sick knowing more talented others can see it and pick it apart, but up it will stay. So yeah, little victories and a pointed reminder that work is not the only thing that makes for an interesting life.